The Three Money Numbers People Are Most Afraid to Look At
On the one night of the year given over to being frightened, here is something that is frightening all year round. There are three numbers most people would rather not look at: what they are worth, what they owe on cards, and what they owe in tax.
The idea that looking will make it worse is one of the most widely held beliefs about money. It is also backwards. The number is the same whether you look or not. What changes when you look is that it stops growing in your imagination.
So here are the three, why each feels so heavy unseen, and a way to face all of them in about twenty minutes.
A number on a page is smaller than a number in your head. Example data.
The short version
An unknown number is always imagined as worse than it is.
Looking does not change the figure. It changes what you can do about it.
Each of the three takes a few minutes to find.
Write them down once, and the second time is easy.
Why not looking feels safer
Because while you have not looked, the bad version is not yet confirmed. The mind treats that as protection. In practice it means carrying the worst possible figure around with you every day, with no chance of finding out it is smaller.
There is a cost in money as well. A card balance that is not looked at is usually paid at the minimum, and a tax bill that is not looked at arrives all at once. Avoidance is rarely free.
Number one: your net worth
Everything you own minus everything you owe. People avoid it because they expect a verdict on their whole life.
What she feared | What she found |
|---|---|
"I have nothing to show for twenty years" | $142,000, most of it in a home and a retirement account |
"It is probably negative" | It was not. And for those where it is, the direction matters more than the sign. |
"Everyone else is far ahead" | The median for all American families is $192,900, and half are below it |
That last figure is from the Federal Reserve's most recent survey. A net worth is not a grade. It is a starting line, and its only useful comparison is with your own figure three months from now.
Number two: the card balance
People avoid it because it feels like evidence. In reality, most card debt begins with an ordinary surprise and no cushion to absorb it.
Unseen | Seen |
|---|---|
"It is a lot" | $6,200 at 24% |
Paid at whatever the statement asks | A payment chosen on purpose |
No end in sight | At $250 a month, clear in under three years |
A weight | A plan |
The moment a balance has a number, a rate and a date, it stops being a feeling. Our post on what each monthly payment does to a card balance shows how much a small change in payment moves the date.
Number three: what you owe in tax
For anyone self-employed this is often the most avoided of the three, because nobody is taking it out for you and the bill builds silently.
Line | Example |
|---|---|
Profit so far this year | $50,000 |
Her set-aside rate | 25% |
Should be set aside | $12,500 |
Paid in estimated payments so far | $8,000 |
In the tax account | $2,300 |
The gap | $2,200 |
She had been carrying a dread of "a huge tax bill". The real figure was a gap of $2,200, with two months left to close it. The 25% is an example. What matters is that the unknown became a number she could act on.
All three numbers live in the same picture. Example data.
Twenty minutes, tonight
Make a drink and sit somewhere comfortable. This is not a punishment.
Open each account and write down the balance. No judging, only writing.
Add what you own. Add what you owe. Subtract. That is number one.
Circle any card balance and write its rate beside it. That is number two.
Work out profit so far, times your set-aside rate, minus what you have paid and saved. That is number three.
Close the notebook. You do not have to fix anything tonight.
The last step matters. Looking and deciding are two different jobs. Tonight is for looking. Deciding can wait until the numbers have stopped feeling new.
What tends to happen next
For many people the first feeling is relief, because the figure is more ordinary than the one they had imagined. Sometimes it is worse than expected, and even then there is a strange steadiness in knowing. You cannot make a plan for a fog.
The second time you look is much easier than the first. By the third it is simply a thing you do. Our earlier post on being afraid to look at your bank account is about exactly that first step.
If it feels like too much
Start with one. Net worth is the gentlest, because it includes everything you have built as well as everything you owe. And if looking at money brings on real distress, it is worth talking to someone qualified to help. There is no weakness in that.
A quiet place to put them, free
La Soglia, the free membership of the Money Mastery System, holds everything you own and everything you owe in one place, with no bank connection and no card. It was built for this moment: the first honest look, done privately, at your own pace.
Bring it to the Collective
Which of the three have you been avoiding? The Money Mastery Collective has a discussion feed open on the free membership. You do not have to share the number. Saying that you looked is enough.
Questions we hear
Why am I afraid to look at my finances?
Because an unknown number has not yet been confirmed, which can feel safer. In practice the imagined figure is usually worse than the real one.
What money numbers should I know?
Your net worth, the balance and rate on any card debt, and for the self-employed, the tax owed so far this year.
How do I start looking at my money?
Set aside twenty minutes, write down each balance without judging, and stop there. Deciding what to do can wait for another day.
What is the median net worth of an American family?
$192,900 in the Federal Reserve's 2022 Survey of Consumer Finances, which means half of families are below that figure.
References
The median family net worth is from the Federal Reserve Board, Changes in U.S. Family Finances from 2019 to 2022: Evidence from the Survey of Consumer Finances (October 2023). Every other figure is our own worked example.
Start free with La Soglia
La Soglia is the free membership of the Money Mastery System. It gives you the Net Worth Tracker, where everything you own and everything you owe sits in one place, and the Money Mastery Collective. There is no card to enter and no bank connection.
Keep in touch
Donna shares a short version of posts like this one on Instagram and LinkedIn. Follow along there, or find everything in one place on our links page.
A note on what this is
This article is educational. The Money Mastery System is an educational tool, not financial software, and nothing here is legal, tax, investment or financial advice. The figures are illustrations, and this is not mental health advice. For guidance on your own circumstances, please speak with a qualified professional who knows them.
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